Names have been changed to protect the innocent and the not so innocent...except for the cats...those are their names. They aren't worried about privacy. Trust me. Lots of public bum licking. Their own bums. Cuz that would be weird if they were licking someone else's bum. Although I wouldn't put it past them...
Moose: My Kiwi hubby and the love of my life. He is 20 years older than me, which surprises everyone who meets him as he appears much younger. He also works in vineyards and at the moment we are working for the same company. We work in separate crews in the summer, but get to work together in the winter, which is actually quite nice. He is the sweetest most wonderful man in the world, but he has a habit of eating ALL THE THINGS and leaving the packages where he found them. Or sometimes on the couch, on the floor, on the coffee table...in pockets...anywhere. Which is why he is a mouse (which = moose of course...that's science). 
Toffee: "Toffs". Our first child...I mean cat. She is gorgeous and she knows it. Prim and proper at all times, she is very vocal, and has the most whiny meow in the world when she wants treats. She is also special needs. She was hit by a car over a year ago, and suffered spinal damage. She can walk, run, jump and is a happy cat now, but her recovery took time and there was some permanent nerve damage. I have to express her bladder twice a day because she can't empty it on her own. If I don't keep on top of this, she sometimes leaks. She can do her stinky poos on her own, but doesn't know they are about to happen until they do. So because of her I have some very expensive cleaners, and I frequently ask visitors if the house smells like cat pee (it doesn't). She loves her Moose, and cuddles him every day, and makes me chase her twice a day to express her, and during these chases I sing the theme song from Benny Hill. Her nemesis is Cleo and every other cat and dog and person on the planet. And me, twice a day. Favourite toys: q-tips (under supervision), newspapers, and water from the watering can. Has made friends with hedgehogs.
Cleo: "Destruct-o-puss". We got Cleo to keep Toffs company, something which Toffs does not nor ever will appreciate. Cleo is the crazy one with the snorkel tail. She beats up tom cats and shreds paper. She also likes to chew things. Trees, the antenna on the neighbour's car, my fingers...She has the funniest trot in the world and can hit the cat flap at 120 kilometres per hour. She loves to chase Toffs around, and often gets chased back. She is incredibly gentle and has never once put her claws to us (unlike Toffs who can be temperamental). She has a silent meow and a squeaky meow (put her in the car to take her to the vet and she finds her voice though), and it has taken her 2 years to learn to trill. Her big adventure was getting herself locked in a neighbours garage overnight. She wrecked the place. She is best friends with Molly, the neighbour's Westie Terrier. Her nemesis: any tom cat, India (another neighbour's springer spaniel, not the country), and rain. Favourite toys: bouncy balls and Toffee. Also known as "Copycat" because she likes to steal Toffee's spots, and sometimes ours. Has an unholy obsession with the hot water closet and can open the sliding door, and has gotten stuck behind the hot water heater. Twice.
I do realise I have written more about the cats than about us...crazy cat lady. And my cats sort of match. Extra crazy. You've been warned.
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