Monday, 11 May 2015

Well...this post turns into an anxiety-riddled rant...caution advised if you don't want to see where my head is at. With Update!

The midwife has been up to her elbows in vag again.  Must have been a doozy, since she has cancelled all appointments for the next two days.  I will have to wait until Wednesday.

This isn't really a problem, except I took today off work, and have to take at least half a day tomorrow for the ultrasound, and now I will have to take probably the whole day Wednesday off.  Not just on account of pregnancy related crap either.  We have a glazier coming today or tomorrow to fix our badly cracked glass window on the back door (the Moose left it open when it was windy, it slammed, and bam, 4 massive cracks...I added a fifth by kicking the cat flap to stop a fight between Toffs, who just made it in the house, and some little grey cat who got the full force of cat flap and slipper).  And Wednesday we have the electrician coming to fix some power outlets and install some lights (old ones broke ages ago...we've just been too lazy to get it done).  So 3 days of vacation wasted now.  I was hoping to save as much of that for maternity leave as possible.  I took 4 days last week...might only have another 7 days left now. 

I am lucky though, in that I live in a country where I will get paid maternity leave (80% of my wages).  16 weeks of it.  Plus unpaid to fill out one year, if I want it.  And my boss said I can have a few years off if I want, that my job will be secure.  Granted I am just a low level supervisor in contract vineyard work...even if I lost that job I could probably find another.  And I think I may be extra lucky in that I saw something online saying I get 10 days paid special leave, to use for antenatal appointments or whatever.  Not sure how that works, but I may have to go chat with the boss and see how to use this.  Especially since I am sure I am not done with the growth ultrasounds.

All this would probably be more tolerable at the moment if I hadn't worked myself into such a frenzy of anticipation last night, and in the last few days.  I've been feeling a bit under the weather and think I might be fighting off a head head feels like a balloon being inflated!  Not always, and it isn't painful, but ugh.  Stuffy nose that just won't empty.  And I get puffed easily doing anything.  And a supermarket lady who I see fairly regularly didn't know I was pregnant!!  I still don't look pregnant!!!  I AM 30 WEEKS!!  My bump is puny and pathetic and my bubs is SGA and who knows if it is just because of small babies or if there are problems and I would feel so much better if I could just pee on a stick today and get my blood pressure taken already!!!!  And I went on facebook, and Mother's Day, which has always been a non-event for me, is everywhere and I AM TAGGED ON THAT SHIT.  I am not a mother yet, don't feckin' JINX ME!!  

Ok, I feel better now that all the irrational crazy shit storming about in my head is out.  Panic over.  But now my head hurts.  I have a bad habit of clenching my jaw when I get tense, or grinding my teeth in my sleep, and I think I have been doing a bit of that lately.  I think I'll go put google to good use and search some relaxation techniques.  Or maybe catch and cuddle Cleo. 

UPDATE:  The midwife wants to see me tomorrow after the ultrasound (I text her that Wednesday would be fine and then she was all "maybe if I come through town" so I told her I am off work for a few days) AND the glass guys turned up and will fix the glass today!!  And after I spazzed and freaked out that bubs wasn't moving enough, I leaned forward (she hates that) and got my 10 kicks in 10 minutes.  I probably would have been more aware of her movements if I hadn't been in the midst of freaking out.  I am such a spaz.  I feel so much better now.  And the headache is nearly gone.  

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